


That time Shaptic Technologies haptically stabbed me in the back.

by CliggityCline



Category: Ready Player One - Ernest Cline
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-16 18:01:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4634907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CliggityCline/pseuds/CliggityCline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Parzival screws up again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That time Shaptic Technologies haptically stabbed me in the back.

"What's up, O Great and Powerful Z?" Aech queried as my avatar slowly materialized at the top of the stairs.

"Not much, Aech. And I asked you not to call me that." I said as I walked down to the Basement.

"Oh, right. Sorry, Your Highness."

If my eyes could have rolled any further into my head I'd have a clear view of my frontal lobe. "Is that still necessary?" I groaned.

"Absolutely. It's in my contract with GSS." She nodded over to her left where a framed contract hung on the wall next to a picture of Wicket the Ewok. "And you're the one that insists on wearing the 'Robe of Parzival' all the time now."

     Anorak's robe has an amazing magical ability to make its wearer look awesome. At least that's what I tell myself. It really doesn't do anything except get caught on my feet. A lot.  Aech had taken to calling it the 'Robe of Parzival' after I wore it to the Basement the first time after we won the Contest and refused to take it off even though I tripped walking down the stairs.  But Aech had changed her appearance as well.  It took a little getting used to at first when Aech changed her avatar to a female version, especially here in the basement where we hung out as two 'guys' for years, but it only seemed appropriate now that I knew who she really is. Her new avatar look was that of a dark skinned Amazonian warrior resembling a mash-up of the She-Hulk and Storm.  Who at this time happened to be wearing a hoody, cozy pants, and K-9 slippers.

"Gathering my robes up, I dropped down into the couch and sighed. "Not now, Aech."

"Ah, you take the fun out of everything, Z." She shoved a controller into my chest and wriggled deeper into the cushions on her side of the couch. "Ready for some Gauntlet, fool?" Aech asked as she pressed start on the joypad.

"Wonder Twin Powers-"

"Activate." I sighed as we bumped fists.

"What's wrong, Wade?"

Gulp, real names. "Let's just play."

     Gauntlet had become our new mindless time waster where we could discuss the usual nonsense while fighting ghosts, grunts, demons, lobbers, sorcerers, thieves, and death through a myriad of levels. I always picked the warrior and Aech was always the valkyrie. When Artie and Shoto played we would end up with a second valkyries and a sorceror on the team.  We breezed through the opening levels in silence before I spoke up, "So you know how we got that author to put our stories out there, after we finished the contest?"Aech kept her eyes on the screen but nodded her assent as we fought through a huge crowd of ghosts. "Well, after everybody read the book and pieced together all the info about us, I started getting tons of calls for product endorsements and stuff."

"Yeah, we all did. So? Hey, fight and talk, fool! You just released three deaths!"

"Sorry! Using potion! So, since I already had some contracts with companies I blindly signed a lot of stuff. Including one for an ACHD from Shaptic Tech."

Aech paused the game and would have performed a perfect spit take if she had had a drink in her mouth. "What. The. Fuck?" She slowly turned to look at me.

"I know, but it gets worse." She blinked repeatedly and I can only assume she was trying to imagine how that situation could get worse. "Explain. Please, Z, tell me how this gets worse."

"Remember when we had that falling out because I was an asshat? So after... After Og's birthday party and the rumble in the Distracted Globe, when Artie dumped me? Uh, I, might have spent some time in the Pleasuredome, and ah-"

"You went to the White Tiger and got a SEX BOT?!" She grabbed me by the shoulders and started shaking the crap out me. "YOU WERE A BOT HUMPER?! YOU DOG!!! YOU SICK, DISGUSTING, DOG!!" I tossed my controller and started Worming my way out of her grasp, I buried my face in my hands. A tiny part of me was thankful that I hadn't walked across the street to visit Aech IRL because she probably would have punched me.

"I know, okay. I know. It was a bad time. Don't hate me. But let me finish."

"Please, finish. PERVERT!"

"Artie found out."

"She found out?"

"She found out all right, Shaptic sent the new model to our house."

"OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!! HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?" I tried to sink into the couch and disappear. I thought about teleporting to my stronghold or to Castle Parzival. I even thought about ripping my goggles off and logging out, but I had to talk about this and Aech was my best friend. Even though I wasn't so sure at the moment. "Artie and I answered the door together when it was delivered. We thought you or Shoto were stopping by for a random visit.  There was this huge box on the porch and the delivery guy was holding the tablet invoice out for one of us to sign when we opened the door.  She saw what the invoice said and just walked out.  Our driver picker her up and she hasn't been home for hours."

"What are you doing here?! Log out and go after her!"

"I don't know where she went! I don't know what to say!" Aech stood up and alternated between making fists and raking her fingers though her hair. "MEN ARE SO STUPID!!"

At this point, I had almost dug my hole deep enough and should have shut up, but my mouth had to keep going. As usual. "I opened the box."

"WHAT?  HELLOOOO!  MCFLY!  ANYBODY HOME?  RETURN TO SENDER!!!"

"It doesn't even look like her, it's just a plus size version with similar hair" I half-pleaded, half-whined.

"YOU LOOKED AT IT?!" Her hands balled up into fists. "WARRIOR IS ABOUT TO DIE!!"

She punched me right in the nose.


End file.
